im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
