i can't believe i had my finger in that
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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