How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
