I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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