After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
