What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
