His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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