If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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