i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
