Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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