I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
