the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
