Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
