i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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