do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
