I am spending my child support on dildos
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
