It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
