Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
