the condom got lost in my hair
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
