My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
