He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
