I'd wear matching sweaters with you
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
