why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You're a waste of cheezeits
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Randomize
