STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
