found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
and you fell through a lawn chair
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
