do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
