You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
