My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
