Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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