A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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