I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
