I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
