i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
