Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
