I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
