When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
