Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
