Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
