I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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