he shaved USA in his pubs
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
