Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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