Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
