I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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