Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
