so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
