I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
