Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
