You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
