Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
