Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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