so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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