Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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